08/15/2004
Uh, Wardrobe Malfunction!
These are the crotches that were too hot for NBC. Shocking, eh? Camera shots that quickly cut in close assured that broadcast viewers only saw the upper torsos of these men made up as kouros figures during the Olympic Opening Ceremonies. Because American audiences are certainly too sensitive to handle engorged sexuality of this magnitude. A mere glimpse of so many penii might cause people to think or do horribly naughty things.
And thank goodness for the insouciant banter of Katie Couric and Bob Costas and the tranquilizing factoids they spew so we never actually have to think for ourselves or spend one second without mind-numbing commentary.
This has been a special broadcast of a previously recorded vent.
Sphere: Related ContentPosted 3:30 AM EST by Andy in Film & TV, Sports | Permalink
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I defy you to find a way to KEEP people from thinking and doing naughty things... why THERE'S a naughty thought right now!
Posted by: M@ | Aug 15, 2004 5:48:27 AM
Canada will most likely win less medals as a nation than Michael Phelps will as an individual, but, we like naughty thoughts and we did show naked greek Gods on National TV! Something to be pround of no?
Posted by: Spamouflage | Aug 15, 2004 10:47:42 AM
The banter got on my last nerve. I'd love to see an uncut (no pun intended) version of the opening ceremonies. The BBC is offering free streaming video of the games, but only for UK users. It's a pity that audiences are restricted to one feed.
Posted by: N | Aug 15, 2004 11:32:53 AM
Here in the UK, digital satellite viewers can interactively choose from up to four streams of Olympic coverage. On the night of the opening ceremony, we had the choice of the 'standard' coverage (with no doubt the same mind-numbingly dull commentary that you were inflicted with, only we had a sports commentator deliver with all the grace of a seven-year-old trying to read Shakespeare). Or, we could flip over to a commentary-less view of the same thing. Bliss.
Posted by: Scott Matthewman | Aug 15, 2004 12:04:32 PM
Another good reason to switch to enhanced digital cable. Mind-numbing commentary seems to be the rule on most of American news/sports. Thanks for the Pic, Andy! Keep up the hard work! Pun intended.
Posted by: Stevie | Aug 15, 2004 2:12:04 PM
sometimes i just want to leave puritanical America far, far behind.
Posted by: bmw | Aug 15, 2004 2:45:59 PM
I think the statue on the far left is the cutest. Now, the real question has not been asked. If the artists took so much trouble to make each individual face unique, why not make each ancient Greek athlete have a unique penis? Cookie cutter crotches are just unacceptable!
Posted by: Patrick | Aug 15, 2004 4:44:36 PM
I was hoping the HD feed would be comment free, but alas no, it was worse. They had two second rate announcers, including an EXTREMELY butch lesbian, whose voice was so distracting I had to turn the volume down. The pictures, though, were stunning.
Posted by: Mitch | Aug 15, 2004 6:07:01 PM
Are you serious? I can't imagine that the people of the USA were subjected to the visual censorship of NBC executives. I say get a dish and tune into our good old CBC (Canadian Broadcasting Corporation) or tune into Radio Canada (same thing, in French). We get to see "the goods" all the time. You can still watch your citizens win tons of medals, and get a bit of international coverage as well.
Posted by: excentrus | Aug 15, 2004 7:34:31 PM
What I also noticed is that the commentary of the CBC coverage was much better and more complete; it was informative and provided some valuable context of the presentation. The NBC coverage was highly edited (and sanitized), and the commentary of Couric and Costas wasn't particulary helpful.
Posted by: J. | Aug 15, 2004 8:41:54 PM
Australian television (the commercial Seven Network) had no trouble showing the full frontals, without comment.
Posted by: Brian | Aug 15, 2004 8:46:30 PM
My roommate, a couple friends and I watched the opening ceremonies together. I can't count the number of times Katie & Bob made an inane comment which left turning to each other as if to say "what are they on?"
My roommate took to pointing out the inaccuracies about Greek mythology in the commentary and I did my best to ignore it all and concentrate on what was going on (yes, that mainly means checking out hot male olympians)
Posted by: Jamison | Aug 15, 2004 11:53:59 PM
Actually, my favorite moment of commentary was when Bob Costas expressed "relief" that the head of the IOC had begun speaking in English. How embarrassing.
Posted by: andy | Aug 16, 2004 12:09:23 AM
I'm glad to know I'm not alone here, I found this review too:
"And I really, really loved how they spoke over Bjork's entire performance — assuring the audience that the athletes were not going to die while being covered by a giant parachute."
I hope in 2008 we'll get good coverage here in the states, but that would probably mean another network taking over. What are the chances of that?
Posted by: Archer | Aug 16, 2004 3:10:44 AM
In France, the two guys commenting the opening did not make any special comments on anything at all ... one moment we even heard the explosion of the "Opening", not the "Olympics opening", but the opening of a bottle of champagne in their studios. It was really funny ... I am sure they had a lot of fun !
Posted by: Steph | Aug 16, 2004 10:40:27 AM
I better run to the Museum of Fine Arts before they start clothing all the naked greek statues! I mean its one thing for Janet Jackson to show her real boobie on national tv, its another thing to show a piece of rock carved in the form of a penis. Pretty soon they will be rewriting our history books too!
Posted by: Only In The South End | Aug 16, 2004 4:23:11 PM
Pretty soon? Um, I think it's already happened -- Ashcroft and the Spirit of Justice statue. Can't do much justice with a naked breast staring down at ya, can ya Johnny?
Posted by: Paul | Aug 16, 2004 4:59:38 PM
As to the differences in faces, but similarity in genitalia, if I'm seeing this correctly, those are actual men, but they're wearing pants. Pants with crotches shaped like retracted penii, but pants nonetheless.
Posted by: Justin | Aug 17, 2004 4:17:15 AM
There is no such word as "penii"-- that spelling implies the plural of "penius." If you want a stylish alternative to "penises," try "penes" (pronounced like pee-nees). It comes from a third declension Latin noun, like crisis/crises.
Posted by: Obsessive Compulsive Grammer Guy | Aug 17, 2004 4:28:26 AM
Another howler from NBC-- when the contingent of Austrian athletes entered the stadium during the opening ceremonies, Costas informed America that Mozart wrote Austria's national anthem. Nope-- Haydn! (All those old dead guys look and sound alike, I guess.)
Posted by: Kenzoid | Aug 17, 2004 8:48:51 AM
For the record, I know penii isn't a word. I was taking some creative license....;-)
Posted by: andy | Aug 17, 2004 11:35:01 AM
I think the best comment yet in the US coverage was Costas explaining that Athena was the patron saint of Athens! Google helped me find the real patron saint of Athens: Dionysios the Areopagite, first bishop of Athens.
Posted by: alex | Aug 17, 2004 3:24:20 PM
Yeah, Costas goofed on that one. But to be honest, that guy knows so much crap, i'll give him a break. By the way, the olympics suck this year.
Posted by: matt | Aug 18, 2004 12:35:23 PM
This years Olympics are absolutely the best. I was at Sydney, Barcelona, Atlanta and the first three days of Athens. The venues are all outstanding. Almost everthing runs like clockwork and the host citizens are all very polite. Contrary to what some predicted people were very friendly knowing I am American.
As a former cop I can say the security is very professional, and way more serious than major US airports!
the opening ceremonies were really something. The Olympics are becoming a more and more commercialized. the ceremonies I have seen in the past were glitzy but meaningless or overtly chauvanistic. this injection of culture, without being to high or low brow was really nice, it was also universal . I understasnd the US broadcaster's ammered over the opening poem, tha tis a shame becasue it spoke of the feelings and cnnection to the past evoked by the classical statues, which was a veryimportant setup to the statue like figures.
Posted by: Dave | Aug 18, 2004 8:14:10 PM
The plural of penis is penes!
Posted by: Mike | Aug 19, 2004 2:32:02 AM