11/03/2004
Manhunt: Bitch Fest
Here's a new drinking game: Whenever Manhunt mentions Nair for Men, take a drink. You should be blitzed by the end of the show, because they mention Nair for Men almost as often as George W Bush says "war on terror".
This week the boys' first task was to audition for a group of improv actors posing as advertising executives who humiliated the models to see how they'd stand up to the stress of a real-life audition. This little exercise revealed a few interesting facts:
Jason confesses using bar soap to wash his hair rather than shampoo. "That would be why you had frizz," he's told by a knowledgeable female exec. Interesting fact #1: Jason is obviously a het.
South African Paulo is brought in to stand before a display of Nair for Men bottles (okay everybody, drink!). When asked to explain to the execs the advantages of using a depilatory, Paulo replies, "I'm not sure what that word means." Interesting fact #2: Paulo not ready for Mensa.
Kevin Osborne is called in and asked to sell an Aston Martin while pretending to drive it down a road. When asked to provide dialog, he says: "You know, when I'm driving this Aston Martin, ya know, I can't keep the girls off me cause I kinda feel like a superhero." Interesting fact #3: Kevin O. still in 3rd grade.
Finally, when Hunter is called in and told to show them how he'd sell something, his first instinct is to jump up on top of the table. Interesting fact #4: Hunter already knows how to sell product on a table.
Later, the models chortle upon discovering they've been had, and are shown products that they are going to sell for this episode's photo shoot. While Rob chooses toilet paper and Tate gets the unfortunate pick of pretzel rods, Kevin O's pick of a bicycle inspires the first language-challenged subtitle of the show. 
Here's part two of our drinking game: when a model becomes so incomprehensible that they get subtitled, everybody drink!
Kevin O's outburst about his shoot ("I don't know how to f---ing pull off spandex and a helmet") allows embedded model Kevin Peake to get a bit of sage advice in: "You can rock anything you want to!"
In preparation for the shoots, Paulo's drug habit (diuretics!) is brought out into the open. In order to lose water weight and sharpen his abs, he takes water pills. While scolded by Kevin Peake that taking things like water pills can just go too far, we're sure that this is really secret product placement, because who wouldn't want to lose a quick ten pounds by rapidly pissing the contents of your body in a quick couple of hours? Take a laxative too while you're at it — fun night!
Next come the modeling shoots. Tate has his chest shaved so that he can properly sell pretzel rods, which, they make perfectly clear, are really salty, crunchy representations of cock. To make this clear, they have Tate suck, lick, and massage the pretzel rod with his lips, finally taking a whole bunch of them and shoving them all down his throat at once, causing the photographer to exclaim, "If you can shove that many rods in your mouth!" Yeah, we got it.
The other models are given various products to whore out, all shirtless of course. Not complaining here. Jon Jonsson is given Nair for Men (drink!), Hunter is doused with Evian water in his Levi's, Kevin O looks pained with his bicycle (definitely not "rockin' it"), Rob poses naked with rolls of toilet paper (god I love Rob more and more each show), Paulo shows that water pills really do work, and Maurice manages to look severely constipated with an iPod.
Later, drinking escapades bring out the fact that Rob is gay when the models are relaxed later back at the hotel. This seems to disturb model Hunter, who goes off about people's "points of views" and says he "had never even heard someone say they were gay before." Does this mean the Backstreet Dance Club in Little Rock has a "Don't Ask, Don't Tell" policy?
Hunter gets a piece of advice on elimination day when the photographer critiques his photo. "The only thing is I think you could add a little more masculinity. Not so feminine. More masculine, you know, like 'Rarrr'." Hunter looks surprised. I actually think he knows "Rarrr!"
Jon Jonson receives a helpful piece of advice from judge #1, former model Bruce Hulse. "Is that a zit I see? Get rid of it." Hulse then admits to toilet paper Rob, "Thats an obscene photograph to me but I like it." Rob also gets critiqued for being "too feminine" by a skanked-up Stuff Magazine photo editor, whom I think was just a bit jealous of Rob's pretty looks.
Carmen Electra delivers the best line of the show (other than the already classic "That was your last shot.") when she looks at Tate's pretzel rod photo and feels moved to demonstrate her phat rapping abilities: "Work that pretzel, work it out, work that pretzel, work it work it."
This show just gets better and better.
As the models wait nervously for the elimination, alcoholic Tate boozes it up with his own personal bottle of wine and antagonizes Hunter by calling him Seth. This incenses Hunter, who demands he be called "Hunter", and the ugly spectre of homosexuality is raised again, in another flurry of cursing and more subtitles (everybody drink!).
Four models are eliminated this episode, and in a shocker, South African hair diva, water pill-ingester Paulo is tossed, as is another of our favorites, Matt, who is sure to turn up in the WB's next teen-angst drama. Good-bye Jason, Matt, Paulo, and Kevin O. And thank you Kevin O., for giving us the obligatory Manhunt sob session.
Past updates:
[Big Boys Don't Cry]
[Anyone Want Some Wood?]
[Attack of the Clones]
[A Rope to Hang Me With]
Posted 6:37 PM EST by Andy in Fashion Men, Film & TV | Permalink
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It doesn't get any funnier than Interesting point #4. You made me laugh Andy.....even on such an AWFUL day
Posted by: thomas | Nov 4, 2004 12:06:13 AM
Oh my GOD what a fun recounting of a show I am not able to watch (no cable! no cable!).
I only hope the show is half as good as your blog.
Keep it up. I live for Manhunt updates.
Posted by: Joshua Koll | Nov 4, 2004 12:20:06 AM
I really cannot believe that Hunter cried like that.... Come the fuck on.
I just need to say that Kevin Peaks is a HATER. He is so jealous of Jon that he needs to keep stressing the fact that he's 5'11" Jon is clearly hot as fuck. And what does Peaks know anyway? All he fucking models is padded underwear for International Male, home for failed Haute Couture Models.
Posted by: Kia | Nov 4, 2004 12:32:32 AM
This is my first post, but here's my take on Tate & Kevin P.--why is Tate still there? Because he & Kevin P. play the "drama card"...w/o them the show would be boring except for the obvious eye candy. Tate is no more model material than my dog is, so I think he is a plant by the producers to help Kevin P. stir up trouble/crisis. Granted both Kevin P. & Tate are asses but the show has to have villains.
So it's down to the two bald dudes who show no versatility in their photos & should be dumped. Jon & Hunter will go the distance, although Hunter shows more variety in his photos than Jon...it's abt the hair, dude. Notice how Hunter's look changes w/each different hair style. THAT'S a model.
And it's time to cut Hunter some slack: he's from a small redneck town in Arkansas, 4,000 pop, miles from Little Rock & he's probably afraid to come outta the closet. He teared up abt Rob's "confession" cause Rob is comfortable being "out" & Hunter, as yet, is not.
Posted by: JOHN | Nov 4, 2004 1:13:03 AM
As always Andy - I love it love it love it!
Thank you for the wonderful distraction!
Posted by: Slate | Nov 4, 2004 1:56:33 AM
HAHHAHAHAH.
i agree, the fourth 'interesting fact' was hilarious.
keep up the brilliant commentry. why isn't this show on in oz? *tsk tsk* i always miss out.
Posted by: dave | Nov 4, 2004 2:48:00 AM
I swear, I'm left doing the same two things after reading these Manhunt updates: 1) laughing hysterically and 2) cradling my face in my hands and mumbling, "This is TV? What ever happened to Tom & Jerry?"
Posted by: CriticalRN | Nov 4, 2004 2:48:48 AM
I sooo love Rob!
Posted by: Glenn | Nov 4, 2004 4:44:45 AM
rob wins!
Posted by: matty | Nov 4, 2004 8:18:29 AM
I've been a HUNTER fan since the bravo site launched a few weeks ago. That boy is crazy and it's just the way I like 'em. All hail Kevin P, though, his Are You Hot performances are still burnt into my psyche.
Posted by: TeKay | Nov 4, 2004 9:29:53 AM
Andy, you're awesome.
Sad to see Matt go, but we knew he wasn't going to make it.
I say it's down to Rob and Jon.. maybe Hunter. Nair for Men! (drink!)
Posted by: iilgemini | Nov 4, 2004 9:33:26 AM
This was the first episode of Manhunt I've seen so far. Why did Hunter get so mad at the other guy for calling him Seth? Is Seth his real name or something? I'm lost here.
Posted by: Dave | Nov 4, 2004 10:41:28 AM
wow..great ep. hunter has been acting really strange lately...although he's always fucking gorgeous in his pix.
i personally was sad to see matt go,jsut because he's cute...but mabye too cute for the modeling world.
and i hated kevin o. from the start..his appearance can be scary at times :/ those big bug-ish eyes ;/
and yay for rob! <3.
Posted by: Ross | Nov 4, 2004 12:37:13 PM
Rob was totally my favorite from the get-go. He's always been the most professional. However, I don't think his physique and physiognomy is "SUPER-model material"... but he has the potential to go far because he lets a lot of stuff just slide off his back. He has distance potential... like a Geo Metro racing a Porsche: He'll beat 'em in the mileage *(but not in the show)
Hunter, however has that "look" that will take him very far, very quickly - even if he IS 5'11" He has versatility and intensity. Being thrown into a new and strange world will be difficult for him (*being so young and sheltered) and I hope that doesn't let it eat him up.
Jon has "it", though "it" is a different look from Hunter. Jon isn't as versatile, but neither is Travis Fimmell and, well...
Unless the "night of debauchery caught on film" doesn't eliminate Hunter, I think he'll win.
I've got a crisp c-note riding on it!
Posted by: M@ | Nov 4, 2004 12:47:09 PM
i still can't get over the fact that they use the term "embedded model"
Posted by: myke | Nov 4, 2004 3:52:12 PM
Rob may have to win because he's practically the only one left who is tall enough without being completely loony, or just dumb as a box of hair. I don't think the show would even be worth wathing without these updates. Maybe Andy Towle should be on TV...
Posted by: Aaron | Nov 4, 2004 11:15:00 PM
What did Hunter cry over? Rob coming out as gay? I thought he got angry and made some homophobic remarks.
Posted by: Rian | Nov 12, 2004 11:27:32 AM
Hunter is only homophobic because he is closeted himself.
Check out these photos of him stripping at a gay bar...
http://www.backstreetdanceclub.com/100_2506%20(Medium)%20(2).JPG
http://www.backstreetdanceclub.com/100_2510%20(Medium).JPG
Posted by: Zach Rogers | Nov 21, 2004 2:43:57 PM
Were the Hunter strip bar pics from before or after the show?
Posted by: Jason | Nov 23, 2004 1:20:20 PM
Kevin P. is totally jealous of Jon Jonsson, and I don't blame him... Jon will soon be booking all the jobs that Kevin hopes to get.
Posted by: cory | Dec 4, 2004 6:25:45 PM
my fouverite is jon jonnson!! i love him much!!!! jon i'm ur fans from indonesia.
andri adrian (friendster)
kd_ganteng@yahoo.com
Posted by: andri | Mar 7, 2005 5:15:28 AM
u need 2 show more dicks
Posted by: deanthony fountain | May 20, 2005 2:48:06 PM
jon jonson si sooo HOT!!! he is the best looking guy ever
Posted by: Raluca | Oct 5, 2005 12:10:22 PM
coming to trinidad the weekend of friday june 20,2008 and leaving that sunday. looking for some friends to show me the hot spots and where to party.
Posted by: gman | Jun 5, 2008 6:56:49 PM
what gripe does michael kors have against alexander mcqueen?
Posted by: charlessimon | Oct 19, 2008 4:04:34 PM